I had emergency surgery two weeks ago and I've spent a lot of time not able to do much but it has given me time to think. Last week I celebrated my birthday and today I have reached another milestone in my life - the one year anniversary of my diagnosis. I've realized a few life-changing revelations......
My mom had complication with her pregnancy while carrying me, serious complications. My dad and my grandparents were told by the doctors when they took my mom into surgery for my delivery they would be lucky if one of us survived. My Gramps, who pastored Langston Memorial Baptist Church at the time, gathered men to pray for me and for my mom - to pray that God would spare my life, as well as my mother's. Those men had never met me, they were led by faith and love to pray. God gave us a miracle because we both survived and for the most part were healthy. It wasn't until recently reading a post my brother had written that I realized God had a plan for me, a plan for my life that only He knew but He loved me enough to allow me to live and He loved my parents and my grandparents enough to allow me to be a part of their lives.
I've failed a lot at life, there's no denying that and most of my failures were self-inflicted. I'm not making excuses, I take full responsiblity for my own stupidity but I allowed the actions and words of others to discourage me from my destiny, from living a life that was given by God when doctors said it was impossible. I finally understand (I'm a little slow, but I'm teachable, as a good friend always says) that God gave me life because He had a plan for me and I haven't followed His word, His teaching, His instructions. He isn't finished with me, that's why somehow I've come through every storm because He knew eventually I would catch on.
One year ago today I felt as if I was given a death sentence, I lived in denial, I lived a life full of anger and resentment and I was miserable. I remember a stranger, a lady in Belk's as a matter of fact (and for those who know my mother, I am her child) that stranger told me if I could survive the first year as a cancer patient I would have reached a remarkable goal. That anniversary is here and I haven't survived on my own, even with the help of all the specialists and medications and treatments and surgery - MY God has brought me through a phase of this storm.
God had a purpose for allowing me to live 39 years ago and I was His miracle then and I will continue to be His miracle because I have found my purpose in life - my purpose to live - my purpose to fight - my purpose to refuse to give up, no matter the obstacle because God is going to do remarkable things through me. I'm not sure what His plan is, but He knows and I have faith in Him and that's all that matters.
Still Blessed,
Jeana